fine, you win.
OKAY.
I admit it.
yes, I’m attracted to you. (ogod, am I helplessly drawn to you like the ill-fated moth who knows nothing but death awaits…)
will I ever do anything about it? heck no. I would never break his heart like that. and I know it wouldn’t be anything more than a fling, if that.
but you know what?
you’re attracted to me, too. and you can’t deny it.
you’ve been flirting with me since day one, even pursuing me. Giving me sweet nicknames, showering me with compliments, flirtatious comments (not to mention all the toe-curling damned winking), asking for my number so you can text me when you’re thinking of me… what the hell. who DOES that?
I’m resisting, but only barely.
[although you do make it easier with your apparent split personalities.]
ogod.
ogodogodogod.
I’ve come at this from the viewpoint that it will end well, in Happily Ever After. but what if it doesn’t? what if we break up?
and the worst part… I think I might be the one to break up with him.
I realized today that I’m not happy.
It’s all the little things that are turning out to be big things. I don’t feel crazy-in-love. And it really bothers me that I am smarter than he is. (There’s no denying it.) I act like I’m still single when I’m not actually with him. I tell myself it’s because I’m so used to being independent, but what if it’s not?
But. He is wonderful. He does love me. a lot. He would be a good husband, and an amazing father.
It will be okay. I think.
If we can just work out a few things…?
I will NOT change him. He will not change for me. (she said to herself a thousand times to remind herself of this fact.)
I guess it’s safe to say that the honeymoon’s over. (It took 6 months; my timing’s doing better! It used to last only 2 or 3.)
Forgive Me, by Leona Lewis
She slammed the shot back and put the lime in her mouth, sucking hard to keep the shudder at bay. She normally hated tequila, but tonight was an exception. It was either get drunk, or call her best friend for the eighth time after finding him in bed with another girl, and she knew she didn’t want that on top of everything else. She’d only get a chorus of “I told you so” and “When are you going to leave him?”
For the thousandth time she wondered why she stayed with him. He didn’t care about her, that much she knew. He’d strayed numerous times, but she hadn’t ended it because she held on due to some form of misguided loyalty.
Suddenly her eye caught a stare. Tall, Dark and Handsome was standing at the other end of the bar, watching her thoughtfully as she called out for another shot. She turned back to watch the bartender pour her sixth… eighth… shot of tequila, but spicy cologne interfered before she could throw it back. He was leaning against the bar beside her, a faint frown on his face. “Are you sure you want to do that?” he asked quietly.
She felt irked. She’d been just about ready to stop, but now that he said that, she was determined. Raising a brow at him, she grabbed his hand, licked it, and shook some salt onto him. He didn’t move, and she thought he might’ve been holding his breath. She raised his hand to her mouth, licked the salt off in a smooth swipe, slammed the shot back, then grabbed the lapels of his jacket and pulled him down to meet her mouth.
As his lips closed over hers, she spared a thought for the cheating bastard. I’m not sorry, baby.
Note to self
Pros:
He always makes you smile.
Whenever he’s in town, you glow in anticipation.
He’s seen you at your best and worst, and loves you just the same.
He understands your family.
Having watched him go through a crash-and-burn of his own, you’ve seen his break-up side.
He’s always treated you better than your best boyfriend ever did. (which, might I add? so very sad.)
He values the small things in life.
He likes to spoil you.
You have the same taste in… many things.
He’s the type who would read a book, just because you want to talk about it with him.
Lets you take his jacket, gets an odd look in his eye when he sees you wearing it.
Has known you for… ever.
Rubs your feet when they get cramped.
Great with kids.
Thinks you’re hopeless. which, roughly translated into his language, means adorable.
You’re never nervous or awkward around him. Never have been, hopefully never will be.
Cons:
Easy-going. Sometimes too easy-going. How does he fight? How does he argue?
Republican. What will the kids be like? :p
More emotionally available than any guy you’ve been with; has you running scared and worried that you don’t have to claw it out of him.
Not the most intellectual of sorts. (BFD.)
Has the most obnoxious best friend, which reflects badly on him.
His mom. Both good and bad. (sure, she loves you, but she could easily morph into the mother-in-law from hell.)
Umm… no spark. When you think of Grand Passion and The Everlasting Love, he is not the first thing that comes to mind.
You’re afraid.
You’re afraid that it’s not enough.
That you’ll be giving in to what’s safe instead of holding out for soul-shaking love.
It is comfortable with him. He’s like wrapping yourself in a huge blanket when it’s cold and raining outside and you put on your favorite movie and lie on the couch together and drink hot soup. He is comfort. But not the heart-stopping excitement, the butterflies-in-the-stomach, sends-sparks-to-my-fingertips kind of infatuation. When he calls, you get warm fuzzies, but no leaping lizards. A slow smile of contentment, but no light-up-your-face radiance.
Meaning
Before you judge this blog for being named after a quotation from a movie such as The Mummy, pause a moment.
When you were younger, did you ever believe in fairy tales? Did you ever look behind you because you felt certain that the next step forward would send you into a future as dizzying and uncertain as those of the whirlwind adventures from books?
When we were younger, life seemed to be made of fairy tales and hokum. Once we’ve grown up, it seems that we have forgotten Meaning. Work is not the center of our universe. Life is about the little moments that cause our pulses to pound, palms to sweat, and imaginations to race.
This blog will be a collection of vignettes, both fictional and non, about life, Meaning, fairy tales and hokum.
(And hopefully it won’t be too pretentious. I tend to be slightly schizophrenic in my writing styles, and apparently tonight’s came out a little poncy.)
