Only a Crush
I have a new obsession: Glee! I watched the second episode for the twelfth time, and then my brain spit this out.
-+-
“Hey, Emma.” She looked up from the fountain to his heart-breakingly adorable face, stretched wide in a hopeful smile. “I found these new disinfectant bleach wipes. What do you say? Boys’ bathroom, the science wing, nine o’clock?” He could not have practiced looking more seductive yet casual, she thought miserably.
With that, she couldn’t. She just couldn’t take it any longer. “Will, what are we doing?” His face froze. “You’re having a baby,” she continued softly. Confirming her suspicions, he didn’t react with shock but blinked, looking wary at her next step. “And anyway, I have a date.”
“That’s great,” he said, sounding enthusiastic. “With who?” Was that jealousy in his tone? Were his eyes narrowing slightly as he injected happiness into his voice?
“I’m going to go to Tulapalooza,” she said, accidentally making it sound like a question, then forced herself to say firmly, “with Ken.” There was definitely jealousy in his face now. You can’t have it both ways, Will Schuester, she thought with anger.
Emma forced herself to walk around him, feeling the bond between them stretching with every step. She nervously wondered, like Rochester, if it would snap and she would take to bleeding internally, as she tried not to cry. She caught a whiff of his cologne as she passed close by, and was catapulted into memories of the night before. He’d touched her, deliberately, trying to help her overcome her phobia. He had used himself as an incentive, taking the attraction that they both felt on a subconscious level and using it against her.
He’s not allowed to do this, she thought vindictively. I’m trying to keep myself from falling further, and he’s all but dancing naked in front of me, taunting me with what I can’t have.
With that, she tossed her hair. She would go on this date with the sweat factory, even if she was miserable the entire time, because she needed to get over this forbidden crush. It was only a crush, after all. It’s not like she was in love with a married man, because that was so much worse.
Only a crush, she told herself firmly as she walked away, refusing to look back, even as she felt the burn of his gaze on her ramrod-stiff spine. She blinked away more tears, and repeated, Only a crush.
-+-
I’m thinking of writing more, maybe from his perspective. Because he totally knows what he’s doing, the bastard. You are married. You are not allowed to fuck with people’s lives like that.
But I can’t help but love him and hope that they do, somehow, get together. (somehow without her being the reason he leaves Terri, because you never want to be the marriage-breaker.)
Not that I’m speaking from personal experience… and that’s not why I’m extra-bitter towards him…
