fairy tales and hokum

She looked up as the door opened again, expecting another couple to exit with their farewells.  To her surprise, he emerged, holding two steaming mugs, attempting to wrestle the door closed with minimal spillage.  She watched for a few moments, waiting, then he sighed and held out a mug without looking at her.  She took it without a word, drinking as he pulled the door shut and sat on the stoop beside her, nursing his own beverage.

They sat in silence for a few moments, then he broke it.  ”Too dull indoors, or do you just enjoy frostbite?”

She looked down, realizing slowly that she couldn’t feel her toes any longer.  ”I forgot that I wasn’t wearing shoes.”

He nodded, taking another sip, and waited.

She sighed.  ”You need to promise to relax and not run screaming.”

He looked surprised.  ”As long as you don’t pull out a rusty knife, I think we’re good.”

She took a deep breath, then it all came spilling out, words tumbling over others in a rush to emerge into the real world.  ”I… can’t be serious around you.  It’s not that I don’t want to be, but simply that it is a very bad idea.  In fact, I need to avoid you.”  She waited, watching him from the corner of her eye for any sign of a reaction.

He took another drink, then looked down at his mug.  ”Well, when you finished our conversation then practically ran from the room, I figured something was up.”

This was it.  Now or never.  She set down her mug and angled her body to face him slightly.  ”You are a Good Man.  You’re witty and smart and wickedly funny, and I see the deeper, more serious parts that you try to hide, too.  I feel drawn to your soul, almost compelled to be near you, and that scares me more than a little bit, especially given–” she waved her hand, alluding to their earlier exchange, “everything.  It’s not a good idea for me to talk to you, yet when we do I find myself truly enjoying the banter.  You keep me on my toes, which is rare among my acquaintances,” she finished with a laugh.

He still stared down at his drink, his mouth unmoving, but his eyes crinkled for a moment.

She shrugged.  ”Don’t say anything, don’t try to make me feel better because I don’t feel sad or embarrassed or awkward.  I only wanted to tell you because I can only dance around for so long.”  She waited a beat.  ”And I might’ve overindulged on the egg nog.”   Another beat.  ”And I told myself that if by some miracle you came out here, I’d be honest with you whether you wanted to hear it or not.”

He finally looked at her, face impassive.  ”Well.  Thanks for your honesty.”

She grinned.  ”Hey, who doesn’t want to hear that they’re compelling?  Even though it’s a dead end road,” she finished quietly.

Something flashed across his face, faster than she could identify.  ”Dead end?  Are you sure you don’t have that knife around here?”

She laughed out loud and bumped his shoulder with her own.  ”You know what I mean.”

He finally grinned in return.

She stood, brushing off invisible dirt.  ”Well.  I need to go drink a lot more.  I promised Jessica that I would keep up with her, and she’s really slamming them back.”

He stood, and picked up their empty mugs.  ”Oh, one quick thing.”

She looked up at him, realizing suddenly that he stood so close she could feel his body heat, and she forced her automatic hum of approval into a question.  ”Mmm?”

“I agree.”  His voice sounded gravelly.  ”We should stay far apart and keep the banter shallow and witty.”  Was he leaning closer?

She swallowed.  ”Of course, shallow and witty is my natural state, so that won’t be too difficult for me.”  He was telling her to keep away from him.  She curled her fingers into fists to keep from reaching out to touch him.

His mouth quirked up in a grin, then suddenly he asked quietly, “Why are you with him?”

She blinked at his sudden desire to confront the elephant in the room.  ”Uhm.  What?”

He made an impatient gesture, his eyes intent.  ”If we’re not going to have a serious conversation after this, then I’m going to ask my deep burning questions now.”

“Well…”  she shrugged.  ”He loves me.  He knows me.  He’ll be a good father, good husband.  If I don’t have the fireworks and the fiery passionate craziness, that just means I’m a grown-up now, right?”  She looked down at her fingers, twisting and clenching over one another.

“So he’s safe.”  His voice was flat, a low monotone.

Her head snapped up, eyes angry.  ”And?”

“And it’s a copout and you know it!  You’re choosing the safe, steady path because you’re too afraid to risk anything, but the whole point of loving someone is that you risk everything, every day, all for that person who makes you so crazy with love and fear and anger that you’re dizzy every time you look at them, and they’re so irresistible to you that you’re practically ‘compelled’ to seek them out using the flimsiest of excuses just so you can be near them for a few blessed hours before parting ways again until the next time.”  His voice had steadily risen until he was shouting, hands stabbing the air to make his point.

Her mouth hung open in shock.  ”How dare you!”

He suddenly dropped the mugs on the lawn, grabbed her upper arms and yanked her to him, kissing her hard on the mouth and releasing her just as suddenly.  ”Stay away from me!” he shouted, and turned to go inside.

She reached out to pull him back, whether to shake him or slap him was undecided, but he turned back and slid his arms around her just as she flung her arms around his neck, and their mouths fused in a desperate kiss, full of anger and longing and frustration and pent-up desire.

When he finally released her, there were tears on her cheeks.  He gently touched her jaw with the back of his hand, and said quietly, “Go back inside, you’ll freeze out here.”

Her lips parted for a moment, and she hesitated, about to speak.  But he bent down to pick up the forgotten mugs, and she relented, stumbling back inside the house, head whirling.