Pink elephants and serious conversations
She looked up as the door opened again, expecting another couple to exit with their farewells. To her surprise, he emerged, holding two steaming mugs, attempting to wrestle the door closed with minimal spillage. She watched for a few moments, waiting, then he sighed and held out a mug without looking at her. She took it without a word, drinking as he pulled the door shut and sat on the stoop beside her, nursing his own beverage.
They sat in silence for a few moments, then he broke it. ”Too dull indoors, or do you just enjoy frostbite?”
She looked down, realizing slowly that she couldn’t feel her toes any longer. ”I forgot that I wasn’t wearing shoes.”
He nodded, taking another sip, and waited.
She sighed. ”You need to promise to relax and not run screaming.”
He looked surprised. ”As long as you don’t pull out a rusty knife, I think we’re good.”
She took a deep breath, then it all came spilling out, words tumbling over others in a rush to emerge into the real world. ”I… can’t be serious around you. It’s not that I don’t want to be, but simply that it is a very bad idea. In fact, I need to avoid you.” She waited, watching him from the corner of her eye for any sign of a reaction.
He took another drink, then looked down at his mug. ”Well, when you finished our conversation then practically ran from the room, I figured something was up.”
This was it. Now or never. She set down her mug and angled her body to face him slightly. ”You are a Good Man. You’re witty and smart and wickedly funny, and I see the deeper, more serious parts that you try to hide, too. I feel drawn to your soul, almost compelled to be near you, and that scares me more than a little bit, especially given–” she waved her hand, alluding to their earlier exchange, “everything. It’s not a good idea for me to talk to you, yet when we do I find myself truly enjoying the banter. You keep me on my toes, which is rare among my acquaintances,” she finished with a laugh.
He still stared down at his drink, his mouth unmoving, but his eyes crinkled for a moment.
She shrugged. ”Don’t say anything, don’t try to make me feel better because I don’t feel sad or embarrassed or awkward. I only wanted to tell you because I can only dance around for so long.” She waited a beat. ”And I might’ve overindulged on the egg nog.” Another beat. ”And I told myself that if by some miracle you came out here, I’d be honest with you whether you wanted to hear it or not.”
He finally looked at her, face impassive. ”Well. Thanks for your honesty.”
She grinned. ”Hey, who doesn’t want to hear that they’re compelling? Even though it’s a dead end road,” she finished quietly.
Something flashed across his face, faster than she could identify. ”Dead end? Are you sure you don’t have that knife around here?”
She laughed out loud and bumped his shoulder with her own. ”You know what I mean.”
He finally grinned in return.
She stood, brushing off invisible dirt. ”Well. I need to go drink a lot more. I promised Jessica that I would keep up with her, and she’s really slamming them back.”
He stood, and picked up their empty mugs. ”Oh, one quick thing.”
She looked up at him, realizing suddenly that he stood so close she could feel his body heat, and she forced her automatic hum of approval into a question. ”Mmm?”
“I agree.” His voice sounded gravelly. ”We should stay far apart and keep the banter shallow and witty.” Was he leaning closer?
She swallowed. ”Of course, shallow and witty is my natural state, so that won’t be too difficult for me.” He was telling her to keep away from him. She curled her fingers into fists to keep from reaching out to touch him.
His mouth quirked up in a grin, then suddenly he asked quietly, “Why are you with him?”
She blinked at his sudden desire to confront the elephant in the room. ”Uhm. What?”
He made an impatient gesture, his eyes intent. ”If we’re not going to have a serious conversation after this, then I’m going to ask my deep burning questions now.”
“Well…” she shrugged. ”He loves me. He knows me. He’ll be a good father, good husband. If I don’t have the fireworks and the fiery passionate craziness, that just means I’m a grown-up now, right?” She looked down at her fingers, twisting and clenching over one another.
“So he’s safe.” His voice was flat, a low monotone.
Her head snapped up, eyes angry. ”And?”
“And it’s a copout and you know it! You’re choosing the safe, steady path because you’re too afraid to risk anything, but the whole point of loving someone is that you risk everything, every day, all for that person who makes you so crazy with love and fear and anger that you’re dizzy every time you look at them, and they’re so irresistible to you that you’re practically ‘compelled’ to seek them out using the flimsiest of excuses just so you can be near them for a few blessed hours before parting ways again until the next time.” His voice had steadily risen until he was shouting, hands stabbing the air to make his point.
Her mouth hung open in shock. ”How dare you!”
He suddenly dropped the mugs on the lawn, grabbed her upper arms and yanked her to him, kissing her hard on the mouth and releasing her just as suddenly. ”Stay away from me!” he shouted, and turned to go inside.
She reached out to pull him back, whether to shake him or slap him was undecided, but he turned back and slid his arms around her just as she flung her arms around his neck, and their mouths fused in a desperate kiss, full of anger and longing and frustration and pent-up desire.
When he finally released her, there were tears on her cheeks. He gently touched her jaw with the back of his hand, and said quietly, “Go back inside, you’ll freeze out here.”
Her lips parted for a moment, and she hesitated, about to speak. But he bent down to pick up the forgotten mugs, and she relented, stumbling back inside the house, head whirling.
Only a Crush
I have a new obsession: Glee! I watched the second episode for the twelfth time, and then my brain spit this out.
-+-
“Hey, Emma.” She looked up from the fountain to his heart-breakingly adorable face, stretched wide in a hopeful smile. “I found these new disinfectant bleach wipes. What do you say? Boys’ bathroom, the science wing, nine o’clock?” He could not have practiced looking more seductive yet casual, she thought miserably.
With that, she couldn’t. She just couldn’t take it any longer. “Will, what are we doing?” His face froze. “You’re having a baby,” she continued softly. Confirming her suspicions, he didn’t react with shock but blinked, looking wary at her next step. “And anyway, I have a date.”
“That’s great,” he said, sounding enthusiastic. “With who?” Was that jealousy in his tone? Were his eyes narrowing slightly as he injected happiness into his voice?
“I’m going to go to Tulapalooza,” she said, accidentally making it sound like a question, then forced herself to say firmly, “with Ken.” There was definitely jealousy in his face now. You can’t have it both ways, Will Schuester, she thought with anger.
Emma forced herself to walk around him, feeling the bond between them stretching with every step. She nervously wondered, like Rochester, if it would snap and she would take to bleeding internally, as she tried not to cry. She caught a whiff of his cologne as she passed close by, and was catapulted into memories of the night before. He’d touched her, deliberately, trying to help her overcome her phobia. He had used himself as an incentive, taking the attraction that they both felt on a subconscious level and using it against her.
He’s not allowed to do this, she thought vindictively. I’m trying to keep myself from falling further, and he’s all but dancing naked in front of me, taunting me with what I can’t have.
With that, she tossed her hair. She would go on this date with the sweat factory, even if she was miserable the entire time, because she needed to get over this forbidden crush. It was only a crush, after all. It’s not like she was in love with a married man, because that was so much worse.
Only a crush, she told herself firmly as she walked away, refusing to look back, even as she felt the burn of his gaze on her ramrod-stiff spine. She blinked away more tears, and repeated, Only a crush.
-+-
I’m thinking of writing more, maybe from his perspective. Because he totally knows what he’s doing, the bastard. You are married. You are not allowed to fuck with people’s lives like that.
But I can’t help but love him and hope that they do, somehow, get together. (somehow without her being the reason he leaves Terri, because you never want to be the marriage-breaker.)
Not that I’m speaking from personal experience… and that’s not why I’m extra-bitter towards him…
sparks
He grinned down at her, eyes crinkling in that undeniably warm way, simply sharing the joy of life. Suddenly, the room seemed too small, and her cheeks felt hot. As she stared up at him, she was seized by a mad desire, and decided to follow through before she chickened out.
“Hold on, there’s something I’ve always wanted to do.” The unspoken before it’s too late hung in the air.
She stepped closer, breathing in. His cologne was subtle, a strong undertone of masculinity. He stood motionless, just watching her, his grin fading into an unreadable expression. Surely he could sense her intentions. He’d back away if he wasn’t interested, if he wasn’t as curious as she.
Holding her breath, she lifted her hands up to his neck, slowly, so slowly. Still he didn’t move, his gaze heavy-lidded.
“I, uh, hope you don’t mind.” Because it’s kept me awake at night, and I hope to God that you’ve been wondering, too.
Raising her mouth to his, she pressed her lips against his softly, savoring each sensation. His mouth was cold from the drink, but his skin was warm. Goosebumps shivered up her arm. His arms hung loosely by his side, but did he tilt his head ever-so-slightly to help the angle?
Fueled by her mad dash off the cliff, her new mantra cycling through her head, now or never, she opened her lips slightly and slipped her tongue through.
Suddenly, he was pushing her against the wall, kissing her back so hard that she couldn’t breathe. His arms were tight around her, pulling her into him and his body was hard against hers, pressing her through the wall, as she met him kiss-for-kiss. His tongue was cold at first from the ice cube he’d been crunching, but his mouth was hot against hers as he stole her breath and her train of thought. Feeling playful, she spun them so that he was the one pushed against the wall, and she was falling into him, and he laughed before he fused her mouth to his once more.
A loud crack outside and resulting laughter suddenly brought them back to the present, and they eased apart slowly. She took a shaky breath, her hand against his chest, forehead pressed against his cheek. She touched his shoulder, lightly, with her fingers.
“Well. Now I know.”
She nodded once, then stepped slightly, reluctantly, away from him.
He followed her ever so slightly with his body, head still quite close to hers, his breathing just as unsteady. He swallowed hard, then: “Don’t go.” The only words he’d spoken since before.
Unable to resist, she allowed him to catch her mouth again, kissing him until she couldn’t remember her name. He bit her lip gently and she shuddered, letting out a nearly inaudible moan. His hands stroked down her back and she melted against him helplessly.
Can open.
Worms everywhere.
conversations
The sound of a voice rumbling through the phone lines shouldn’t send such heat curling through my body. Yet it does, distractingly so. I suddenly realized that he’d said something, and sifted through the echos in my mind to find the question.
“No, I’ll be fine,” I finally answered, realizing that the topic had shifted back to our earlier conversation. ”I’m sure he won’t come back since I borrowed Lola.” I reached down and patted the massive body at my feet affectionately. Ears pricking up at her name, she grinned and rolled over, paws in the air, tail thumping on the ground.
“If you’re sure…” He still sounded uncertain. I tried to quell the thrills that ran through me at his protective streak.
“I’m certain. I might take you up on the offer another time, though,” I warned teasingly.
